these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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