Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Two words: blizzard sex
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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