My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
