woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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