Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
