I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
