My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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