You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
being pregnant is like rehab
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
