I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
