thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
