just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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