i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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