i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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