I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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