Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
