Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
