So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
