I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Is Oprah even human
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
