You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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