Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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