her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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