'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
birth control should be required to get into college
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
