So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
