The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
