Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
