New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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