So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
