Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
