My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
