so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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