The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
