i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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