I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
