dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
