I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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