You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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