please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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