I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
