I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
