Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
