I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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