I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
