Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
