Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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