If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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