Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
