it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
