I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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