Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
