Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
