I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
