I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
