My first STD was from a foam party
i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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