At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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