Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
