3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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