remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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