Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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